September 2009
1 post
Get well soon, George. We need you around to...
And now I’m trying to come up with a name for a podcast by three cats from the internet. Time for bed.
August 2009
12 posts
The current level of political discourse
Today’s high should be in the “Here, let me tell you what you believe” range, but expect it to drop quickly around primetime.
Beat this.
My prom date and I were at the dance for about 20 minutes, tops. Then something went snap and we started laughing at how ridiculous everyone was acting. We left and went to a coffee shop, sipping mochas in evening attire, dancing in the parking lot.
We’re married now.
Honey has christened her new betta Fishstick. As in, the dance. I married up.
America, it’s time we got serious about our healthcare situation, and that means we need really try harder at treating smokers and obese people as subhuman monstrosities. Medical science has shown repeatedly that there are only 2 reasons why people smoke and gain large amounts of weight:
They think it’s healthy
They do it for all the positive attention they receive
No, really....
July 2009
1 post
You know how in the monster movies, the president calls a council to discuss what to do about the monster, and the general insists on using nuclear weapons, but the scientist stands up to say, no, we can’t use nuclear weapons, because the evidence clearly shows that exposure to nuclear weapons causes the monster to metamorphose into its most terrifying form, and the general says that dammit,...
June 2009
0 posts
And just like that, you just lost your credibility on that whole “sanctity of human life” thing.
February 2009
18 posts
10 things that economists agree on →
…and politicians of all stripes ignore. Some of this is pretty surprising when you consider that the majority of economists are Democrats.
God Hates Shrimp →
Brilliant guerilla campaign.
Because The Only Thing The Internet Likes Better...
According to Keynesian economic theory, government spending improves a sagging economy because recessions are caused by drops in private spending. So according to Keynes, the Iraq war should have provided $100B worth of stimulus. No sarcasm involved here; it was under Keynesian economic theory that people started saying that WWII got the US out of the Depression.
Strictly speaking, under...
Fourteen propositions commonly held by economists. →
phantasmagorical:
In short, they don’t like protectionism or rent controls.
Continuing the high-quality economics coverage you come to my tumblr to read.
“Atheists claim to value reason above blind faith and individuality above the...”
– David Harsanyi, Denver Post
Translating for the NYT
NYTese:
“Economic Scene: Bailout Likely to Focus on Most Afflicted Homeowners”
English:
“Economic Scene: Leaders Neurologically Incapable of Learning the Even Basic Lessons from Mistakes”
This must be a terrible time to be an economist. You’re on every news network answering questions, but no one who makes decisions is ever going to listen to you unless you tell...
4 out of 5 washed-up doctors recommend booze and...
Nightcap by Andy (Ella’s Dad)
Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety. My medications is kicking in, thankfully, but until a few weeks back, I’d been depending a little too heavily on the stress foods sector of my diet. And naturally, but stress foods, I mean booze.
Don’t get me wrong: I can suck down an entire package of Jell-O Pudding Cups with the best...
$1.1T
For the same cost as the deficit spending bill, we could suspend all payroll taxes for a year. Think of the jobs that would create.
Or to put it another way, the money it will take to pay off the deficit spending bill is equivalent to doubling the payroll tax for a year. Think about how many jobs that will destroy.
Again, the fact that we’ll have to pay it off is not a slam-dunk case...
Let Stimulus = x
I feel the need to mention this because it looks like the mainstream news isn’t covering this like it should.
It’s not that the government found $800B in the sofa cushions and said, “Hey, here’s an idea: how ‘bout we use this to stimulate the economy? It’ll be a blast!” No, we’re already running a $1 trillion deficit (thanks, Bush!) so this is...
Obama changes his mind, supports Bush torture... →
I’m so disappointed with Obama right now I want to throw something. I know a lot of people voted for Obama because they were disgusted with exactly this kind of thing.
Obama voters, you’re going to have to take this one. He probably won’t listen to me, but he’ll listen to you. Bush got away with this crap early in his term because he didn’t have a loud,...
Lake Manitou →
Google “yo dawg.” First page. Seventh link. Lake Manitou.
The internet is my home.
A Letter I’d Like To See (But Won’t) →
What Michael Phelps should have said if he could have gotten away with it. An excerpt:
Here’s a crazy thought: If I can smoke a little dope and go on to win 14 Olympic gold medals, maybe pot smokers aren’t doomed to lives of couch surfing and video games, as our moronic government would have us believe.
Courtesy Agitator par excellence Radley Balko.
☆
merlin:
If only there were some kind of service where people could congratulate each other on the things they thought of while watching TV.
Yeah, those other people are hilarious.
January 2009
5 posts
You Weren't Really Paying Attention, Were You?
You subscribed to our magazine but never received any copies? We’re very sorry and apologize for any inconvenience this may have cause you. So I can locate your subscription, can you please give me the account number at the top of the mailing label on the cover of your magazine?
Whenever you’re ready, sir.
So, is it too late to do the 7 things?
"How I Met My Wife"--A Lesson in Lost Affirmatives →
I’ve been looking for this since my college linguistics classes. Nobody can do over-analysis of wordplay like a linguist.
December 2008
11 posts
Periodic Table of Awesoments →
“I’m opposed to the death penalty not because I don’t think there are some crimes...”
– A nice summary from Radley Balko, agitator
Wherein I write tweets for other people
For Kari Edwards:
“Oh, religious studies? Do you want to be a pastor?”
“Let me answer your question with a question. If I had said ‘parasitology,’ would you have asked me if I wanted to be a tapeworm?”
For the Hot Amish Chick:
Had to dunk my smokes in the washtub to hide them from Tobias. Am now using cigarette cravings as a reminder to pray. Have never...
Now that Obama’s been elected, the dumbjournalists have decided to take the gloves off and really grill him about his shortcomings. This would be admirable, except that the pressing question for the dumbjournalists is how Obama can occasionally smoke a cigarette and still have the moral foundation to lead our country. Yes, by his own admission, Obama used to smoke and still lights up...
Twitter Dreams
Proof that I spend too much time on the internet (first in a series.)
Annie gives a seminar on how to choose a gym based on the locker room music. “If they’re playing the modern rock station, it means they never disinfect the equipment. If, however, they chose the ‘best hits of the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and today’ station, leave immediately. They’ll...
November 2008
4 posts
