Twitter Dreams
Proof that I spend too much time on the internet (first in a series.)
Annie gives a seminar on how to choose a gym based on the locker room music. “If they’re playing the modern rock station, it means they never disinfect the equipment. If, however, they chose the ‘best hits of the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and today’ station, leave immediately. They’ll expect you to sign up for a step aerobics class with women named Linzi who wear purple Lycra.” Annie is also the proprietor of an Irish pub called O’Shoesonwrong’s, known for clean glasses, a quality pint, and good conversation.
A team of misfits with superpowers has to fight off the interlopers who would invade their home, but are ignorant of even the most basic comic book tropes. Enter Kate Bsheepiesson, who is able to draw on her comic book knowledge to train them in choosing thematic names to match their powers and nurse seething internal emotional conflicts, before disappearing into the night. Unfortunately, the would-be heroes are overpowered by their foes, whose only weakness was 18th century window glass.
The world is soon to fall under the wrath of the ninja lord known as the Shadow Daimyo, and only two people stand in his way: famed English martial artist Avery Edison and her plucky sidekick, Abby Clapifyoulikemeovitz. This would go a lot quicker if Abby would stop laughing every time Avery said “wrath” in that funny English way.
A visibly intoxicated Kalli inexplicably appears in my home and begins to excoriate me for my abysmal selection of beer. I try to defend my choices, but deep down, I know he’s right.
Whenever news anchors use the phrase “in other news,” Baron Wilhelm van Weselec inexplicably appears to tackle them, a la the office linebacker.
